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Young married couple; wife is not just looking for how to be a good wife, but she is learning how to bring her best self to her marriage

10 Ideas: How To Be a Good Wife

March 15, 2023
Marriage Enrichment

Ideas for Small Ways To Become a Better Wife 

It caught us by surprise to learn over 9,000 people around the globe are searching “how to be a good wife” each month, which made us consider—why? Why are people searching for this? What answer are spouses looking for when they ask this question?  

Now is a great time to remind all of us that no one can achieve perfection. So, if you’re searching “how to be a good wife,” and you’re actually looking for “how to be a perfect wife,” then, know this is unattainable. 

We learn this in Romans 3:23, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”  

Therefore, we believe the better way to approach the curiosity surrounding, “how to be a good wife,” is by addressing instead “how to bring your best self to your marriage”—as a wife or a husband.  

In order to bring your best self to your marriage, it’s vital to make sure you’re taking care of yourself as an individual. If you’re consistently putting yourself last, this won’t be helpful for your marriage and your family. Exercise, take a bubble bath, get proper sleep—prioritize caring for yourself as much as possible. 

In reality, some days you’re going to be good, even great, and some days, you’re going to fall short because you’re human. Below, we’ve listed 10 suggestions that are simply ways you can bring your best self to your marriage and be more intentional in caring for your better half. You may be doing some of these, and some you might not have considered before. 

See if there’s a few small changes you can focus on implementing in your marriage to help foster a deeper connection with your husband. Over time, we’re certain these will make a meaningful difference in the health of your relationship, and they’ll help you be the best wife you can be.  

1. Pray regularly for and with your husband.  

If you’re not already, begin incorporating praying for your husband in your daily routine. Thank God for him and his role in your family. Pray that he would be a man after God’s heart. Additionally, pray with him. Pray with him on behalf of your family, your careers, and your marriage. When you do this, you’ll grow in spiritual intimacy with one another. A great resource for this is “The Power of a Praying® Wife” by Stormie Omartian 

2. Speak his love language. 

Do you know each other’s love languages? If not, stop what you’re doing, and go find out together! Whether it’s acts of service, physical touch, receiving gifts, quality time, or words of affirmation, learn to be fluent in loving your husband the way he best receives love, not the way you do. Especially if his love language is physical touch, take initiative on being romantic at times—give him a big kiss when he walks in the door and see where the romance leads from there. In addition, if you haven’t read the book already, check out “The 5 Love Languages®” by Gary Chapman. 

3. Show appreciation. 

A simple, “Thank you,” can go a long way. When your husband does something for you, show him you noticed. Thank him for taking care of the kids’ bedtime routine or remembering to take out the trash. Be generous in complementing his strengths—“I love how you take time to teach the kids new skills.” 

4. Show interest in his interests.  

You might not understand the ins and outs of his job or hobby, but don’t let that be the reason you don’t ask questions. If you know he has an upcoming presentation, ask how he’s feeling about it. If he coached your kid’s soccer team to a win, celebrate his achievements. Be excited about something he’s excited about—yes, even sports! 

5. Put your phone away. 

Turn toward your husband when he’s sharing with you. Put your phone away, give him eye contact, and show him he has your attention. Whether he’s wanting to share a funny story about his fishing trip or telling you how his feelings were hurt, show him you’re all ears. 

6. Encourage individuality. 

Encourage individuality for both of you. You don’t need to do everything together; in fact, happy couples know that being apart creates anticipation. Lean into your independence at times by developing a hobby you enjoy or a goal you’re working towards—allow him to support you, but know it’s OK to have “your own thing.” In the same way, give your husband freedom to be his own person, too. Encourage healthy friendships. If he enjoys golfing with buddies, encourage him to schedule a golf day every now and then.  

7. Find a mutual hobby. 

See above—happy couples know that being apart creates excitement around coming back together. But, they also enjoy doing things together. It’s all about balance. Just as you should make time for yourselves, make time for each other. Make your husband a priority. Is there something you both enjoy doing together that will encourage laughter, good conversation, and meaningful time for your marriage? Do that thing, too! 

8. Say something. 

Your husband can’t read your mind. You may have a million thoughts going through your head at any given time. But, if you don’t express them aloud, your husband will never know. Communicate effectively with him. If you’re frustrated about something, tell him. If you want his advice on something, ask him. If you need something from him, let him know. 

9. Respect him.  

As a leader in your home, respect your husband, and trust his judgement. Treat him as your partner, not your child. This doesn’t mean you can’t step up to the plate and lead as well. Communicate openly, leverage each other’s strengths, and discuss areas where you’d like to take charge and vice versa. Then, support each other, and respect each other’s lanes. 

10. Be his biggest supporter. 

Remember—your husband is your best friend. Be the biggest cheerleader he has, and support his goals and dreams. Make it your mission to be his number one fan in your family, his number one fan of his work, and his number one fan of his interests. If he’s running a race, literally or figuratively, will he know he can look over and see you cheering him on obnoxiously from the sideline? 

When looking for ways to be a better wife, lean into a few of the suggestions above. See how they change your connection with your husband for the better. At the end of each day, consider this, “Did I love my husband in the best possible way today?” Hopefully, he’s asking a similar question, “Did I love my wife in the best possible way today?” Our prayer is that each of you seeks to serve the other daily in order to enhance your marriage and that you use some of our tips or the sister blog to this article, 10 Ideas: How To Be a Good Husband, as a starting point.  

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