How To Choose a Church as a Couple 

Choosing a church to attend as a couple is a significant step in your spiritual journey together. It’s more than just picking a physical place; it’s about finding a place where you can grow in your faith, serve God, and strengthen your marriage. Together, ask yourselves, “Does this church align with God’s direction for our lives as a couple?” By considering both of your needs and preferences while prioritizing biblical principles, you and your spouse can make a decision that supports not only your individual spiritual growth but also your shared faith journey. 

Thoughtfully exploring negotiable and nonnegotiable factors will help you find a church that feels like a true spiritual home. Keep in mind that the following list of negotiable and nonnegotiable considerations is not exhaustive. It’s simply a starting point to help you and your spouse begin the process of choosing a church to attend together. Every couple’s needs and priorities are unique, so feel free to add to or remove anything that doesn’t fit your current situation. The goal is to create a framework that works for both of you, helping you prayerfully and intentionally find a church that aligns with your shared spiritual journey and supports your growth as a couple. 

Negotiable Factors 

Negotiable factors, such as the church’s size, location, worship style, and seating, are all about what feels comfortable and inviting to you as a couple. These preferences help create a sense of belonging and make the church feel like “home,” but they are not rooted in biblical mandates. Together, consider what fits your shared desires and lifestyle. For example: 

• Size and Location: Do you prefer a small, close-knit church where you can build deep relationships or a larger church with a variety of programs that suit different life stages? 
• Worship Style: Are you both drawn to traditional hymns, contemporary praise, or a blend of the two? 
• Atmosphere and Customs: Do you enjoy formal services with traditional attire or a casual atmosphere where jeans are welcome? 
• Seating and Amenities: Would you both feel more comfortable in a church with wooden pews or padded chairs? 

Nonnegotiable Factors 

Nonnegotiable factors are rooted in Scripture and are great decision drivers. These elements include faithful Biblical teaching, Godly leadership, and a commitment to outreach. Take time to consider the following:

• Commitment to Scripture: Review the church’s statement of beliefs. Does the church uphold the authority, sufficiency, and infallibility of Scripture? According to 2 Timothy 3:16, NIV, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.” Does the church faithfully teach and apply biblical truth, even on challenging or controversial topics? 
• Humble Leadership: Assess the character and conduct of the church leadership. 1 Peter 5:2-3 emphasizes the importance of shepherds who lead with humility, integrity, and faithfulness, rather than personal gain. Do the leaders exemplify these qualities and rightly handle the Word of God? 
• Community Engagement: A church should actively demonstrate love for its neighbors, as commanded in Mark 12:31, NIV, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Does the church positively impact its community in noticeable and meaningful ways? Would the community feel the loss if the church were no longer there? 
• Commitment to the Great Commission: Evaluate the church’s focus on making disciples locally and globally. Matthew 28:19-20, NIV commands believers to “go and make disciples of all nations.” Does the church prioritize sharing the Gospel and allocate resources for mission work? How often do they participate in outreach or mission trips? 
• Diversity and Inclusion: Consider the church’s attitude toward diversity within the body of Christ. Do they treat people of every age, race, and socioeconomic status as equally valuable in alignment with Galatians 5:14, NIV, “Love your neighbor as yourself?” 
• Children’s Ministry: For families with children, ensure the church provides a safe environment and Scripture-focused programs that nurture children’s relationship with God. Psalm 127:3, NIV reminds us that children are “a heritage from the Lord,” and their spiritual development should be a priority. 

Seek God’s Will 

The most essential part of choosing a church to attend as a couple is seeking God’s guidance. Spend time together in prayer, asking Him to reveal whether this is the place He has chosen for you to worship, grow, and serve. Discuss your thoughts openly and consider how the church aligns with your shared faith journey and His plans for your lives. By placing God at the center of this decision, you can ensure your choice reflects His will and supports both your spiritual growth and your marriage. As Matthew 6:33, NIV reminds, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” 

Remember No Church Is Perfect 

Remember that no church is perfect because it is made up of imperfect people. Charles Spurgeon wisely noted:

If I had never joined a church till I had found one that was perfect, I should never have joined one at all; and the moment I did join it, if I had found one, I should have spoiled it, for it would not have been a perfect church after I had become a member of it. Still, imperfect as it is, it is the dearest place on earth to us.

Choosing a church as a couple is a meaningful way to grow closer to God and each other. While negotiable factors like location and worship style can help you feel at home, nonnegotiable principles rooted in Scripture are what ensure the church is spiritually sound. Through prayerful consideration and open communication, you can align your hearts with God’s will and discover a community where you can worship, serve, and thrive together. Remember, no church will be perfect, but the journey of finding one that reflects Christ’s love will strengthen your faith and your bond as a couple.