What Is It, and How Long Can We Expect It To Stick Around?
There’s nothing like falling in love. Mystery, tingles, butterflies, and hope combining magically with bright dreams, deep insecurities, and unimaginable joy. Our advice? Enjoy every minute! Look for ways to help your love grow and strengthen. Lean on God and each other while you savor the blessings of the early years of marriage, “the honeymoon phase.” So, how long does the honeymoon phase last? Let’s dive into what it is and then unpack more regarding the honeymoon phase like when it ends.
What is the honeymoon phase?
The honeymoon phase is much more than a vacation to celebrate your marriage. It’s the effervescent weeks and months following your “I do” where you learn to do life as a duo. The honeymoon phase is characterized by deep feelings of connection designed by God to help you get comfortable sharing your life and moving forward together as a couple.
What makes the honeymoon phase so fun and easy?
You’re not crazy. Being in love really does make you feel like a different person. Experts in The Winshape Marriage Podcast explained some of the unique physical and emotional changes that occur during the honeymoon phase. Being in love does more than create a romantic connection. Your body recognizes the emotional cues of attraction and makes Phenylethylamine (or PEA) to bond you together. The American Heart Association describes PEA as “…the hormone-like substance produced at the early stages of attraction that provokes the dizzy sensation some people feel when they’re falling in love. It triggers the release of norepinephrine, which helps the body respond to stress, and dopamine, ‘the joy and reward chemical.’”
The honeymoon phase is an action-packed time of exciting changes and new opportunities like a new home environment, trustworthy physical connection and affection, and the peace of living in a fully committed relationship.
How long does the honeymoon phase last?
Studies show the emotional and physical changes of the honeymoon phase peak 12 to 18 months after your wedding. As “real life” starts to invade this euphoric, highly bonded period of time, your emotions and perspectives start to evolve. Things that clicked easily in the beginning may shift and require more time and effort. It can feel disheartening, but it’s not a bad sign! It’s the marker you’re growing and moving into a mature, authentic connection God designed for marriage.
Why do things start to change?
Ironically, irritation and dissatisfaction can creep into your marriage because life has become comfortable and predictable. It can also be a side effect of increased responsibilities and major life events like buying a house, adding kids to your family, changing jobs, or experiencing a sudden illness. They’re all part of growth and change, but they also add stressors to your carefree, newlywed viewpoint. It’s not that you love your spouse any less—there’s just more to do and more to divide your attention.
What do we do now?
First, don’t panic and know you can easily work through it. God placed you together—flaws and all. The lasting gift of the honeymoon phase is knowledge. You spent the first few years of your marriage learning about each other so you’d be prepared to continue building a life together amidst the changes. And as a Christian couple, you have the added benefit of biblical wisdom as your bedrock.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” —Proverbs 3:5, ESV
Keeping your relationship with God front and center takes the pressure off the humanness of daily life. Staying in the Word and making biblical truth the springboard for your needs, wants, and desires makes it much easier to filter the important issues away from the daily fodder.
How do we get back the spark?
Your brain is designed to crave both novelty and connection. It’s what makes scrolling for a few minutes turn into hours and why a job you loved in the beginning starts feeling flat. This is where intentionality and a little creativity can make a big difference.
Reigniting the honeymoon phase flames can be as simple as scheduling a date night or as lavish as attending a Winshape Marriage Retreat. Either way, it’s about taking action and spending time building connections. Here are a few ideas to get you started:
- Find a new show to watch together
- Cook a new recipe as a team
- Go to dinner and a concert
- Invest in attending a Marriage Retreat
- Go to a trivia night
- Think about your spouse’s high school hobbies and do something with them they haven’t tried in a while
Remember, connection isn’t about finding things you both like as much as diving into the deep end of what makes each of you unique. It’s about trust, shared vulnerability, and renewed kinship.
What if that’s not enough?
Don’t be afraid to ask for help while navigating this relationship change. Experts remind couples counseling isn’t just for a crisis. If you’re willing to get help for your golf game or hire a personal trainer, then be willing to ask for marriage help. You aren’t a failure.
Partnering with a Christian marriage counselor can help you identify and work through underlying reasons for pain points while helping you build on the strengths you created together in the honeymoon phase.
The honeymoon phase is sweet, but it’s not the best part of your marriage. Real, everlasting love will be harder and messier but ultimately happier and more meaningful. Growing together binds your hearts and creates a richer, deeper well of love than you knew to expect in the beginning.
