Intimacy Is More Than Just Sex
The word “intimacy” is often misunderstood and reduced to a buzzword for sex. But do you know there are many different types of intimacy besides just physical intimacy? When you hear the word “intimacy,” your mind may drift towards thoughts of sex; however, within the context of marriage, both sexual and nonsexual intimacy are necessary elements to create a deep connection that fosters trust, vulnerability, and a sense of being known and accepted by your spouse.
In Christian marriages, intimacy plays a pivotal role in helping you to love your spouse as Christ loves them. Building a marriage bond that reflects the love of Christ requires intentional time and effort to connect, and when you connect the result is a closeness described as intimacy. Dr. Juli Slattery defines an intimate relationship as one that has three key components: commitment to one another over time, a progressive journey of being known, and a feeling of affection and attachment.
How do you achieve this type of intimate relationship? Hint: it’s more than just sex. Below, we take you and your spouse through six different types of intimacy, explain what they are, and provide examples for you to learn how to engage with each other more intimately.
Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy is connecting through feelings and emotions.
When you are emotionally intimate with your spouse, you feel unconditionally accepted by them. This type of intimacy allows you to feel secure in your emotions. You can be vulnerable and share your innermost feelings—fears, hopes, and dreams—free of worry and judgement. Emotional intimacy is a nonsexual intimacy that is created through communication and time.
Examples of Emotional Intimacy:
- Being present to listen attentively and empathetically as you share feelings, fears, hopes, and dreams
- Dreaming together about your future
- Engaging in hard conversations
- Affirming your spouse
- Sharing gratitude for your spouse
Physical Intimacy
Physical intimacy is connecting through displays of affection and affirming physical touch—not just sexual touch.
Physical intimacy fosters a vibrant marriage because of the security and love that is transmitted through physical contact and closeness. Physical touch conveys love, reassurance, and a sense of belonging that encompasses both sexual and nonsexual intimacy. When you are physically intimate, you inherently strengthen your marital bond.
Examples of Physical Intimacy:
- Holding your spouse’s hands
- Engaging in hugs and kisses
- Sitting closely together and cuddling
- Massaging your spouse’s neck, shoulders, or back
- Making love
Intellectual Intimacy
Intellectual intimacy is connecting through sharing ideas, thoughts, and deep conversations.
In a world full of competing ideas, you can be intellectually intimate with your spouse when you connect on your shared ideas. Here’s the key—you may not agree on every single idea, but you are able to have deep conversations and share your viewpoints in an open, accepting, and safe environment; you do not fear being put down. Intellectual intimacy involves exploring new topics, learning together, and discussing differing perspectives without threatening the foundation of your marriage. In this pursuit of learning, you deepen the intimacy in your marriage by discovering new things about your spouse and learning to appreciate their mind and unique viewpoints.
Examples of Intellectual Intimacy:
- Discussing a book, documentary, or sermon
- Sharing both similar and different viewpoints on a topic
- Engaging jointly in a developmental seminar or workshop
- Learning a new skill together or teaching your spouse a skill you have
- Asking your spouse probing questions

Creative Intimacy
Creative intimacy is connecting through artistry and recreation.
Creative intimacy includes sharing in acts of creating together, having fun together, or playing together. You develop this type of intimacy when you intentionally seek out creative ways to bond and actively demonstrate your love and affection. By creating together, couples can build intimacy that fosters admiration, facilitates teamwork, and energizes their marriage.
Examples of Creative Intimacy:
- Cooking a new recipe together
- Creating a joint vision board
- Working as a team on a DIY project
- Painting
- Developing a shared bucket list
Experiential Intimacy
Experiential intimacy is connecting through shared experiences.
Connecting through a shared experience can create a bond of feeling in sync and growing deeper in unison. Experiential intimacy involves spending quality time engaging in activities or adventures. Experiential intimacy deepens when life’s challenges—like job loss, illness, or caring for aging parents—push couples to navigate new roles together. These joint experiences add depth to your marriage and build intimacy by creating lasting memories and establishing a sense of “togetherness.”
Examples of Experiential Intimacy:
- Traveling to and exploring a new destination
- Attending concerts, shows, or community activities
- Creating a joint daily habit or routine
- Overcoming an obstacle or a project as a couple
- Trying a new hobby
Spiritual Intimacy
Spiritual intimacy is connecting through faith.
Spiritual intimacy is the result of you opening your heart to the Lord and then sharing in your faith journey with your spouse. When you grow in your individual spiritual journey and share this with your spouse, you encourage each other in your faith. Spiritual intimacy includes sharing values and beliefs and opening your hearts to each other within the safety of your marriage relationship.
Examples of Spiritual Intimacy:
- Participating together in a marriage ministry or small group
- Sharing in daily prayer
- Worshipping as a couple
- Discussing your personal bible study learnings
- Reading scripture together
Learning how to connect in these six different types of intimacy can build or sustain a thriving marriage. Each type of intimacy—emotional, physical, intellectual, creative, experiential, and spiritual—uniquely contributes to creating a foundation of understanding, trust, and belonging. This foundation allows you to love your spouse as Christ loves them. As you work to cultivate a deeper level of connection with your spouse, remember that nonsexual intimacy is just as vital to the health and longevity of your marriage as sexual intimacy.
Put Your Ideas to the Test
We want you to give it a try! We’ve created a free PDF, so you and your spouse can continue the conversation. Download Six Different Types of Intimacy Worksheet and spend a few moments with your spouse discussing each type of intimacy. Are they what you expected? Did you learn anything new?
Then, use our examples from above or come up with your own, and fill in the worksheet with various ideas for how the two of you can continue growing in the different types of intimacy. What are you doing well? What is a growth area? We can’t wait to see what you come up with!