Learn How to Spark Deep and Meaningful Conversation With Your Spouse
In the early months of your relationship and the early years of your marriage, our guess is you and your spouse spent lots of time learning about one another, dreaming together, and talking about “any and everything under the sun.” However, over time, you may have found that it’s a bit more difficult to connect. As you progress in your careers and add little ones to the mix, scheduling one-on-one time doesn’t happen as naturally. And, when you do share alone time, it’s easy to drift into casual conversation—“Are you enjoying dinner?” and “How was your day?—forgetting to go deeper. If you’re experiencing this, you’re not alone.
Good news—reconnecting doesn’t have to be complicated! Here are few things to keep in mind.
1. Be intentional about listening to each other.
We all struggle with putting our “listening ears” on from time to time. It’s OK. Be intentional with truly hearing your spouse. Whether they’re telling you a story you’ve heard a hundred times, they’re sharing something that seems trivial, or they’re sharing something that may be difficult to hear, commit to being the best listener you can be.
2. Be vulnerable.
Your spouse is your closest ally and confidant. If there are things you’d like to talk about that are difficult, lean in and be open with your spouse. This vulnerability will only deepen your trust with one another.
3. Have a humble heart.
Be careful how you react to your spouse. Try not to correct them. If you’re working to reconnect with each other, correcting might cause a setback.
Put away your cell phone, turn off the radio or TV, and look into one another’s eyes. Be wary of getting distracted, so you can truly reconnect.
5. Don’t get defensive.
Some things you talk about might be tough to hear, challenging, or thought-provoking. Take to heart what your spouse is saying and appreciate their willingness to be open and vulnerable with you.
Now, here are some ideas for what you and your spouse can talk about to reconnect.
Our first suggestion for sparking new, fun conversation with your spouse is to use our 200+ free printable conversation starters! These conversation starters are grouped by themes, so you can select ones that fit the mood you’re in. Have fun with your answers. There’s time to delve into more serious discussions, so don’t be afraid to lean into the silly answers when prompted.
If you’re looking for something a bit different than specific questions to spark conversation, consider some of the following conversation prompts to help spur reconnection between you and your spouse. Not only can they inspire deep, meaningful conversations, they could potentially lead to some difficult conversations. Don’t shy away from those—they will certainly be pivotal in helping you reconnect with your spouse.
- Tell me more about __________.
- I want you to know something I’m struggling with right now is __________.
- I’d like you to just listen as I process out loud. OR I’d like your help and advice with this situation.
- How do you feel about __________?
- I’d like to understand your point of view regarding __________.
- What is one way I can show up for you this week?
- It means so much to me when you __________.
- I love __________ about you.
- Tell me one thing that has been on your mind a lot lately.
- I know __________ has been bothering you. I’m willing to do __________ to make things better.
- Is __________ good for our relationship?
Intentionality is the name of the game if you truly want to reconnect with each other. Conversation starters and prompts might seem silly, but give them a shot. As your conversations continue to evolve, you’ll find it easier to connect with each other again.