How To Know When You’re Ready for Marriage
Deciding to enter a lifelong covenant with another person is not a decision to make lightly—it’s sacred, beautiful, exciting, and weighty, something that requires more than one conversation. If you and your significant other are considering taking the next step in your relationship, use these 15 questions to begin exploring the topic of marriage and assess your readiness. These questions aren’t the be-all and end-all, but working through them together will certainly be a great starting point for giving you peace of mind and clarity to decide if you’re ready for marriage.
1. Are we willing to attend premarital counseling and preparation?
The transition from dating to being engaged to getting married is so exciting and brings with it tons of fun and newness. The transition won’t be without some challenges, though, as you adjust to new stages of your relationship. Being willing to prepare for marriage by attending premarital counseling is a fantastic first step to a healthy marriage. If you’re dedicated to investing in your marriage prior to actually tying the knot, you’re off to a great start!
2. Do we feel pressure to get married?
You and your significant other should take the next step in your relationship when each of you are ready, not when your family members, friends, coworkers, or just one of you think you’re ready. Think deeply about your true motivations for getting married. Are you just wanting to take the next step because “everyone else is?”
3. How long have we been dating, and what are our intentions?
Though you shouldn’t get married because of pressure from others, it is healthy to have conversations about your intentions. If you’ve been dating a while, be forthcoming about the future of your relationship. Ask each other, “What are we working towards, and what are the appropriate next steps for us?” As a starting point, check out “How Long Should You Date Before Marriage?”
4. Is our relationship healthy?
Getting married will not make an unhealthy relationship healthy. In fact, marriage could make matters worse. Consider if you and your significant other are growing in your love for one another and the Lord because of your relationship. If you aren’t in a healthy place, seek help to work through relational issues you’re experiencing before committing to a lifetime together. Although it may feel overwhelming, it’s possible you’ve learned through your dating experience that you’re not God’s best for each other, and that’s OK. You can really love someone and know it’s best to walk away from the relationship.
5. Are our family members and friends supportive of our relationship, and will we have a strong support system in marriage?
Again, you don’t want to heed pressure from family and friends, but taking into consideration their support is good. Do you have people in your life advocating for your relationship among your family, friend group, church family, etc., and will they continue to be a healthy support system for you during marriage? A strong support system is invaluable.
6. Are we financially prepared?
Stepping into marriage and beginning a family requires financial independence. You do not need to have enough money to last until “the end of time.” However, taking time to consider how you will navigate your finances as a couple is important. Additionally, to what extent have you and your potential spouse talked about money? It’s important to be comfortable discussing finances. To help you get started, we have a list of 40 financial conversation starters to work through before marriage.
7. How did our families approach conflict, and how do we approach conflict?
It’s not a matter of if conflict will arise in marriage, it’s when. This isn’t meant to be scary—but you should be prepared and have conversations now. How did your families manage conflict—yelling, ignoring, having calm discussions, etc.? Additionally, have the two of you had conflict in your relationship and been able to manage it (not perfectly…as this takes time)? Having discussions around conflict management is vital.
8. Are we on the same page regarding “big” issues—religion, children and parenting, family relationships, marriage expectations, morals and values, etc.?
Before you make your way to the altar, you need to talk about the “big” issues. Do you share the same faith? Do you want children, and if so, how many do you want to have, when do you want to have them, and how do you want to raise them? How do you currently engage with one another’s families, and how might this change once you’re married? Lay your marriage expectations on the table now—how often do you want to have sex, who will be “in charge” of certain household responsibilities, do you both want to work, etc.?
9. Are we able to be ourselves?
Dating red flag—being the person that you think the person you’re dating wants you to be. If you’re changing who you are and/or your interests to “fit” with your boyfriend or girlfriend, they might not be the one for you. If you’re able to fully be yourself and your significant other is supportive of and interested in your hobbies, you’re on the right track.
10. Do we love spending time together, and are we also OK spending time apart?
Building on the above—do you enjoy your time with each other, and do you share similar lifestyles, for example, do you both have a love of traveling? In the same vein, be careful not to fall for this myth—happy couples do everything together. The truth is happy couples know that being apart creates anticipation. So, do the two of you also have a healthy level of independence to spend time alone or with other friends? This is highly important as is enjoying doing things together. You need to come back together as a couple after spending time apart, so even if you don’t share all the same interests, it’s important to enjoy one another’s conversation and company.
11. What are our love languages?
Do you know each other’s love languages? If not, find them out! Whether it’s acts of service, physical touch, receiving gifts, quality time, or words of affirmation, learning to be fluent in one another’s love languages now will only aid you in loving your future spouse well. “The 5 Love Languages®” by Gary Chapman is a great resource.
12. How will we handle tough times?
When you look at your significant other eye to eye, do you see them being next to you in the hard times now and in the future—the loss of a parent, a job layoff, experiencing a miscarriage, receiving a rejection letter, etc.? It’s possible you’ve already experienced some trials during your dating relationship. How have you responded to each other in difficult moments thus far—big or small? No marriage is exempt from trying, life-changing experiences. The question is, “Are you willing to face them together?”
13. Why do we want to get married?
Ask yourselves, “Why do we want to get married?” If it’s to get more money, have sex, have children, or just because “it’s the next ‘right’ thing,” think again. Challenge one another to have an intentional conversation—what is the purpose of marriage, and are you ready to step up to the plate?
14. What are our goals and dreams for the future?
Don’t wait for marriage to communicate your vision for the future. What do you want your marriage to represent? What goals and dreams do you have, and is your potential spouse excited to partner with you to fulfill those? What would life look like five, 10, and 20 years from now if you got married? If you’re able to share a mutual excitement about dreaming together, that’s a good indication you’re ready for marriage.
15. Have we prayed about marriage, and are we both on board?
It seems obvious, but are both of you truly ready for this next season and life change? If one of you is hesitant or experiencing any fears or anxiety related to marriage, continue to work through honest conversations with each other and with trusted, wise individuals before committing to marriage. Most importantly, pray individually and collectively—“Is the Lord leading us to marriage?”
Getting married is a magnificent, God-ordained experience. How exciting! We pray these questions stir within you and your future spouse healthy levels of excitement, conversations, and prayers as you consider stepping into one of the most special relationships on this side of heaven.
